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Chapter 9. Practices from Professional and Personal Toolkit

The > CL/RF _ Couple Life Reflection Framework sets the basics: conditions, needs, and functions. But changes and actions can be implemented through different practices. Many come from the professional environment and can be adapted for a couple. Additionally, tools are included that help in daily interaction.

1. VMOSA (Vision–Mission–Objectives–Strategy–Action)

This structure helps build a vision and the path toward it.

  • Vision: where we want to go.
  • Mission: why we do it.
  • Objectives: specific goals.
  • Strategy: how we will act.
  • Action: what we do right now.

In relationships, VMOSA helps turn abstract wishes into an action plan.

2. RACI (Responsible–Accountable–Consulted–Informed)

RACI helps distribute roles and areas of responsibility.

  • Responsible: who performs the task.
  • Accountable: who is ultimately answerable and approves the result.
  • Consulted: who to consult.
  • Informed: whom to inform.

In a couple, this can apply to finances or household tasks to reduce conflicts over “who was supposed to do it”.

3. Agile / Scrum practices

Agile provides tools for regular interaction.

  • Weekly “stand-ups” (what matters now, what hinders, what we improve).
  • Retrospectives (once a month: what works, what doesn’t, what to try).
  • Small iterations (experiments with new habits).

This helps avoid overload and move step by step.

4. Kanban and WIP limits

Kanban makes tasks visible and reduces overload.

  • Board: to do → in progress → done.
  • WIP limit: no more than 2–3 projects at once.

Applicable to renovations, vacations, or any family projects.

5. Wardley Maps

Wardley Maps help see values, needs and practices in dynamics: what has become habitual and what is still new.

For a couple, this is a tool for strategic decisions: relocating, changing jobs, choosing a future direction.

6. Risk management

Risk analysis allows you to prepare for crises.

  • What risks we have (financial, emotional, health).
  • How we mitigate them (reserve, insurance, support).
  • How we respond if they occur (rules of behavior in crisis).

This reduces uncertainty and gives a sense of confidence.

7. Situational Leadership (D1–D4)

The situational leadership model shows that interaction style depends on the partner’s maturity and readiness. Four states are distinguished:

  • D1: enthusiasm without experience – needs support and instructions.
  • D2: first disappointments – needs help and joint decisions.
  • D3: partial competence – support and trust are useful.
  • D4: maturity and experience – delegation and freedom are possible.

In a couple, this model helps you understand when a partner needs support and when they need space.

8. Working Agreements

Working Agreements are shared rules the couple agrees on for daily interaction. They codify what we consider important.

Examples:

  • We do not make important decisions during conflict.
  • We do weekly planning on Sunday evening.
  • We use a respectful tone even in arguments.

Such agreements create a sense of predictability and safety.

9. Me Manual

A Me Manual is an “instruction about me” written by each partner. It helps better understand each other’s specifics and reduce misunderstandings.

Example contents:

  • How I usually react to stress.
  • What helps me calm down faster.
  • What especially irritates me.
  • How best to give me feedback.

Sharing such “manuals” allows us to act consciously and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

10. Other practices for interest

There are other popular tools that can be studied and tried:

  • NVC (Nonviolent Communication) – communication through feelings and needs.
  • Johari Window – exploring blind spots and trust.
  • GROW Model – structure for conversations about goals.
  • Eisenhower Matrix – classic priority matrix.
  • Moving Motivators, DiSC, Big Five, MBTI – personality and motivation models.
  • Imago Dialogue – structured dialogue for difficult conversations.
  • OKRs and SMART – goal-setting methods.

These practices are not included in the core of the framework but can be useful for expansion and inspiration.

Conclusion

Professional and adapted practices help translate theory into action. They do not impose rules but provide convenient tools that can be tailored to the style of a particular couple. Incorporating situational leadership, agreements, and personal manuals makes the set of practices more complete and applicable.