Chapter 7. Changes

Changes are the bridge between the current situation and the vision of the future. They allow abstract wishes to be turned into concrete steps. Changes vary in scale – from daily habits to major decisions.

1. Categories of change

• Radical – large, long-term steps (moving, changing jobs, decisions about having children).
• Compromise – agreements (division of duties, schedules, boundaries with relatives).
• Micro-changes – small habits and rituals (gadget-free dinner, daily compliments, morning coffee together).

2. Gap analysis

Gap analysis helps compare the current state with the desired future:

• Where we are now.
• Where we want to be.
• What changes are needed to bridge the gap.

This method helps define steps systematically.

3. Examples of changes

Example 1

• Current state: little time together.
• Desired future: more emotional closeness.
• Change: introduce a weekly gadget-free evening (micro-change).

Example 2

• Current state: financial instability.
• Desired future: confidence and stability.
• Change: create a joint budget and savings strategy (radical).

Example 3

• Current state: conflicts about household chores.
• Desired future: fair division of household duties.
• Change: make a list of duties and redistribute them (compromise).

4. Shared and personal changes

It is important to distinguish:

• Shared changes (what concern the couple).
• Personal changes (what each does for themselves).

Balance means moving in both directions: developing both the “we” and the “I”.

Conclusion

Change is a process, not a one-time decision. It requires time, agreement, and readiness to adjust. Even small steps can lead to big results over time.