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Chapter 1. Introduction

1. Why a framework for relationships is needed (Problem Space)

Relationships often evolve spontaneously: partners are guided by emotions, habits, and cultural expectations. This works up to a certain point, but eventually leads to misunderstanding, conflicts, and a feeling of stagnation.

Couples often circle around surface topics (money, chores, time) instead of the needs underneath. Conversations stay unstructured, so patterns repeat, misunderstandings pile up, or both partners go quiet. There’s a gap between casual talk (too little structure) and therapy (too heavy or expensive). CLRF fills this gap with a light structure that supports real conversations and helps partners see, name, and align their needs.

A framework is needed to bring structure and clarity. It helps to understand what conditions shape our lives, what needs stand behind our emotions and requests, and what functions of the couple and each of us can satisfy those needs.

2. The problem with fantasy visions

Without diagnostics, partners often build visions of the future in the form of fantasies. These pictures may be too personal and far from reality. Comparing such fantasies can cause disappointment or a sense of incompatibility, even though there is common potential underneath.

The framework helps to ground visions: to build them on an understanding of real conditions and needs.

3. Basic principle: Conditions → Needs → Functions

The system is based on a three-level model:

  • Conditions: the facts and environment in which we live.
  • Needs: internal requests formed against the background of conditions.
  • Functions: actions and mechanisms through which we satisfy needs.

This logic is universal and helps distinguish background, request, and way of acting.

4. Balance of "I" and "We"

Relationships consist of two levels:

  • Personal functions and needs ("I") that help each person stay whole and develop.
  • Joint functions ("We") that provide support, closeness, and cooperation.

Balance is achieved when the personal and the joint do not contradict each other but reinforce one another.

5. How to use this framework

The framework does not dictate ready-made solutions but gives a map. Based on this map, the couple goes through stages:

  1. Diagnosing current conditions, needs, and functions.
  2. Building visions of the future (individual and joint).
  3. Defining necessary changes.
  4. Prioritizing steps.
  5. Developing principles and strategies for interaction.

6. CLRF Vision and Mission

Vision

Every couple can gain clarity and shared understanding about their needs without therapy, jargon, or years of trial and error.

Mission

CLRF provides a simple, practical framework (book, exercises, app) that helps see conditions, needs, and functions, structure conversations, and keep the focus on real experiences.

7. CLRF Values and Beliefs

Values

  • Clarity over confusion
  • Simplicity over complexity
  • Real connection over digital noise
  • Mutual respect over one-sided wins
  • Playfulness over heaviness

Beliefs

  • All couples face alignment gaps — it’s part of being human.
  • Structure helps reduce friction and unlock deeper connection.
  • Small, regular conversations matter more than rare big talks.
  • Language shapes outcomes: naming lowers defensiveness.
  • Tools are helpers, not replacements.